As faceache have announced a move to make Reels a more prominent part of the social media platform, I’m 50/50 on whether to embrace the move and make snappy, short, scrollable videos that you can enjoy whilst having your morning poo, or double down on what I usually post which is long form, complex, lexically challenging posts that include things the internet hates like really long sentences, like this one.
I believe in words and expression, and I think it’s more important to take the time to share a message and to read something from a page you like, instead of making it 4 seconds into a 19 second video before you move on. With a long post I can challenge you, to not get bored and to see how quickly you can find the nugget of information or sometimes the marketing message that’s buried within about 600 words of Geoffness.
Hunter S Thompson wouldn’t have approved of the way the world has gone, not just social-politically and economically but culturally and educationally. We are creating a generation with zero attention span, a lack of depth and an obsession with self. I’m generalising here, but I’m sure you agree that despite the opportunity that the internet presents in the ability to acquire knowledge, it’s mostly given us duck face selfies and Russian road rage videos.
As the world continues it’s headfirst dive into the small, highly controlled, heavily monitored, deeply disturbing shallow swimming pool from which there is no ladder to escape, I thought it was time to announce that I’m writing a book.
An old fashioned, physical, 3D object that you can have and hold (not 4D like the numberplates that also exist in the 4th dimension which is either time or gravity, not sure, I’ll find out).
It’ll be somewhere between a scrap book, a travel journal, Dante’s Inferno and The Bible, but all about cars and with pictures. Let’s aim for a Christmas launch which means it’ll be ready by next Autumn 😂👍
Let’s kick off the content with a cheery subject, and a quick look at death.
Here in Egypt death is treated with reverence and respect, with many hours, months and years spent preparing for the inevitable. Wealthy people would take many luxuries with them from one life to the next, as they pass from the right side of the Nile (the living side) over to the left side of the Nile (the dead side, where the valley of the kings is). One can only imagine the furore that a funeral would have been, a day that would stick in the memory for all time and no doubt the communication leading up to the event would have been comprehensive.
What’s this got to do with cars, you’re thinking? Well I’m getting to it, long form Geoff style.
Many of you know I grew up in a church community and that gave me an extended family of old people, a gigantic array of aunties and uncles around the country, many of whom would be at our house for Sunday lunch. Nanny Sue (my mum) who I’ve spoken about before on this channel (as featured in the zoo visit YouTube video which is worth a watch but only has about 4 views) is a bit of a legend, but in the same way I am reluctant to advance any further in my limited grasp of technology, Nanny Sue has never gotten the full grasp of text messages…
If you have my mobile number you’ll know that I’m a man of words, and will often reply from my phone keyboard as if I’m submitting a university dissertation. Nanny Sue on the other hand is the opposite, she likes to keep her texts to the bare minimum, leaving only the essential information.
‘Hey how are you doing?’ Becomes ‘how you’.
‘Would you like to come for dinner sometime this week maybe Thursday if you’re around?’ Becomes ‘dinner Thursday’
You get the point.
Now, with all of the aforementioned elderly aunties and uncles, death announcements are an occasional but inevitable part of Nanny Sue’s communication repertoire.
My brothers and sister will stand by me here, although Nanny Sue herself denies it, but after the passing of one particularly loved pensioner from our church community, I simply got a text message that went as follows…
‘Guess who dead’.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
It did take the sadness out if the occasion but it’ll never catch on and replace Guess Who in the world of children’s board games.
Anyway, the point I am making is that the answer to the text message is ‘it could honestly be anyone’, and now we are getting to my point.
Here’s one I put to you…
‘Guess which car dead’.
Without scrolling down, which recent Geoff car has met its untimely demise, and is awaiting the hook through the radiator to yank the ECU out from the front grills before we take the turbo, starter motor, diff and gearbox to be wrapped in cloth and stored in alabaster boxes ready for use in the after life?
The funny thing about this death is that it’s not a car I’d have expected to die
It’s the beautiful and very well equipped Volvo V70 TDI…!
After selling it just before I came away, the timing has gone awry and all signs point to the engine moving from the living side of the Nile to the dead. So…
What do we do with an old Volvo, with a beautiful interior but an engine that’s on the Liverpool Pathway?
I’m thinking I’ll do a video where I’ll drive it until it reaches the inevitable moment, and after that my new friend Matt and I will strip it like vultures on a carcass, utilising the Donor Cars to gift a beautiful beige interior to a certain green Volvo 850 T5 that I own, that’s also on the operating table awaiting new cabin insides. Every cloud…
Unless you have an engine for my V70 TDI in your yard, and want to be the surgeon or can supply any organs, in which case, get in touch before we crank up the embalming juice and start taking the old girl apart.
It’s an interesting twist in the Geoff tale and it’ll lead to more interesting stories…
As I’m now really into ceremonial deaths I think the best course of action is to do what the Viking’s did… set it on fire on a boat and push it out into the sea.
So if you happen to witness a wildly burning volvo floating on a barge down the Birmingham Canal in the coming weeks…. it wasn’t me.
Cheers for reading and let me know if you managed the whole lot…!!!